Green Doors

I was browsing the Internet when I came across a blog titled Toning the Om:
http://toningtheom.com/, and as I read on there was an mp3 download to a talk given recently by Marianne Williamson.  I downloaded it and have listened to it at least 4 times now.  I find it quite inspiring and although I've heard of Marianne Williamson (click on her name for a download of her talk) I am not familiar with her work, but hope to be soon.  I went back to this blog and noticed that the author had recently returned from a trip to Egypt, and she began thanking her fellow travelers on this trip that was so special to her.  It all sounded vaguely familiar, so I contacted her and sure enough, she had traveled with Spirit Journeys, a unique and spiritually-orientated travel "agency" that puts together trips and workshops relating to yoga, shamanism, spirituality, self-discovery, and so on, and they have many workshops and travel leaders who range from psychologists to shamans to social workers and more.  I have a link to this wonderful group on my blog.  I went with them to Bali as well as their men's retreat at Bodhi Zen Center in New Mexico a few years back.  Highly recommended.

Then I discovered Stephen Cope.  Peggy Kelly (see her new blog Physical Poetry: Ayurveda and Iyengar Yoga) told me I would really like him and she was right, I am so inspired listening to him speak. I downloaded one of his talks from iTunes titled Yoga for Emotional Flow, Free Your Emotions through Yoga Breathing, Body Awareness and Energetic Release.  Absolutely fantastic.   He has a book that is highly recommended:  Yoga and the Quest for the True Self.  It is on order.  On the day that Peggy told me about this author, a friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in quite a while showed up to class, which was unusual as he lives out of town.  He had studied with Stephen Cope years ago at Kripalu.  Anyway, we got together for lunch as he wanted to share a recent event in his life that he described as traumatic.  So I listened.  I was shocked.  I don't want to go into details, but he was arrested and thrown in jail for 36 hours before being released on bail.  What happened to him should not happen in this day and age.  It has had a profoundly negative effect on his life, and I hope justice prevails for him.  We never know what life is suddenly going to throw at us, and it can all happen in a split second and our world as we know it has been dramatically changed. 

I joined Angie's list to find a local plumber to help find an elusive leak associated with the outdoor shower.  In this process, I got an email for whole house window cleaning, inside and out, at a discounted price.  I've never had this done before, so I got an estimate and they are due to arrive at 7:30 a.m. this morning.  Which brings to mind a dream I had last night.  A green door belonging to someone had been removed from its hinges.  First of all let me say that green is the color of the heart chakra, and doors represent openings (as well as closings).  The door had a small window located at eye level.  For some reason the window was covered with plastic, so it was our task to remove all this plastic, and then put the door back on its hinges--rehang it.  To me the door represents the heart, and the importance of allowing our hearts to be open, but perhaps not open in such a way that we can be easily abused or taken advantage of.  But we need to be able to see clearly through our hearts, and not have a film over it that totally blurs our view, or clouds our judgment, as we look out at the landscape of life through the window of the heart.    We need to be able to choose when to open our hearts to love and when to close our hearts to those who mean to harm us, as opposed to having our doors off their hinges completely.  I think this addresses the issues of boundaries and unmindful vulnerability.  Stephen Cope tells us that we must never deny or repress our feelings, but we must let them flow through us.  When we exile a powerful emotion that may be too painful to experience, it will eventually come back at us in one way or another.  It may manifest itself in our body, reappear as a dark shadow/demon, or seek expression through drugs or alcohol.  Until we truly feel the emotion and let it move through us, it will not leave us alone.  This resonates with me. 

I have been having intense pain in the tissue on the left side of my right knee which I feel when doing ardha chandrasana or trikonasana.  It burns and stings intensely and is quite scary.  Peggy tells me that when we have such pain, we should look both above and below the area, in other words the hip area and the ankle/foot area.  Devon confirms this.  Bekir tells me to focus the outward spiral through the femur bone, and not through the knee.  During sitting mediation I noticed (not for the first time) a tightness, a blockage, a particular spot in my right hip crease that stands out loudly in the forefront of all physical sensations.  Focusing on that spot, breathing into to, listening to it, naming it was my task at hand.  After staying with this for maybe ten minutes, I suddenly felt my leg "let go" and the tightness disappeared completely.  I don't think, of course, that this is the end of it, but rather the beginning.  But finding the beginning of something is essential in moving forward in it.

Civic Duty, Family Duty, Silent Witness, a Baby Opossum

I was summoned to jury duty yesterday afternoon.  I was actually hoping to be picked as I've always enjoyed serving on a jury.  The room was packed with prospective jurors, only six to be chosen from the lot.  It was going to be a short civil suit having to do with credit card debt collection.  The lawyer had thick gray hair and reminded me of Raymond Burr in his later productions of Perry Mason--a nice looking man but carrying around an enormous amount of excessive weight.  He asked each prospective juror, one by one, a series of questions relating to credit card use, trying to ascertain one's position regarding the collection of such debt.  So, I was really taken aback when my turn came and his first question was, "Mr. Hicks, is that a purse you are carrying?"  "No," I replied, "it's a backpack."  "Oh, I see," he said, "please forgive me if I insulted you."  I immediately responded by saying "I do find that remark to be quite offensive."  Again, he apologised.  He moved on to his next question, "Mr. Hicks, are you an athlete?"  "I am an avid yoga practitioner," I said, noticing that several people turned around in their chairs to have a look at me.  My palms were beginning to sweat, but I sat up straight and turned on my assertive self.  "My wife does yoga" he said, "well, she used to.  Always trying to get me to join her, but I never did."  "Well," I said, "I think you would benefit tremendously from it."  Okay, here I was jabbing back at him, doing the same thing he had just done to me, something I do not believe in doing.  Impulsive retaliation.  Take me to that place of non-reactive calm, I said to my Silent Witness.  I need your help at this moment.  The rest of the conversation was pleasant, and he said I would be an excellent juror for this case.  (I did not get chosen).

I made my first trip to Europe when I was 23 years old.  I was fascinated at how many men carried these neat hand held, zippered "wallets".  Many have loops that you can put your hand into and let them dangle from your wrist.  I bought one and have carried one ever since, replacing them every few years.  In recent years I've thrown it all into an ergonomic shoulder bag sold at Relax the Back and other places, but I often just pull out my hand held man-purse and just carry it alone (wallet, checkbook, cell phone, pen, comb, fingernail file, iPod touch).  I have only had one person make a negative remark about this in 36 years and it was a friend of a friend struggling with accepting his own homosexuality.  There are studies that show that some men who suffer from lower back pain can alleviate the pain dramatically by not carrying their wallets in their back pockets.  Definitely not a skillful way to sit.

I watched the tiniest baby opossum moving toward the fountain in the backyard yesterday.  Somehow he barely managed to climb up the side, but when it came to drinking the water, it was so far below the ledge he was on that he spent several minutes exploring his options.  He finally decided to go for it, and eased himself down towards the water, finally able to drink by clinging to the top ledge with his hind legs, and drink he did.  It is so hot and dry and I cannot remember having so many dry windy days.  Then he fell into the water, way too deep for him to stand up in, and I watched as he helplessly tried to climb out, his paws slipping on the Mexican tiles.  I knew he would never make it out so I rushed out and scooped him out and placed him on the ground.  He was so tiny and skinny, I wonder if he will survive.  Where is his mother?  It has been a busy week for me, and I've spent very little time staring out the window on to the landscape of the backyard, and I marvel at the fact that I was watching at that very moment.  I do think nature talks to us.  We have a hummingbird feeder hanging from the eaves in front of the kitchen window.  It has to be refilled every 3 days, at least.  Earlier this morning as I was sitting here at my desk,  a hummingbird came to my bedroom window, hovered for more than a few moments, then left.  I checked the hummingbird feeder and it was empty. 

I had my third colonoscopy in 15 years this week and will find out the results of the four polyps the doctor removed.  This is an extremely important procedure for anyone who has any family history of colon cancer. 

It has been several years since I've worked with an Oil and Gas Company representative, negotiated the terms of a lease, and gone through that whole process of proofreading a detailed 50 page legal document at least twice.  There have been a flurry of emails and phone calls and dealing with family members.  I always end up with hurt feelings, but that's just me.  Things went smoother and faster than they ever have in past years--from beginning to end it all happened within the span of about 3 weeks, and not the many months of protracted engagement of pitting one company against the other in an effort to secure the largest possible bonus lease consideration.  I am happy the process is over, and now it's just wait and see if they drill, and if so will it be the usual dry hole, a marginal producer, or maybe something different.  Perhaps a little bird will tell me.