There are many books written on the topic of grief, but experiencing it may be very different from person to person depending on a variety of variables.  For some reason, of late, I have found myself feeling a deep sadness over the loss of my dog, Mikio, a rehomed Shiba Inu I adopted from Shiba Inu Rescue of Texas, Austin chapter.  I adopted him when he was 2 months shy of 7 years of age, and he died 2 months shy of his 16th birthday.  I created an altar in his memory composed of a painting of him, his ashes in a Raku Urn, his paw print, a vial of his hair, and a blown up favorite photo.  When one has a deep, loving attachment to a pet, it is hard to let go, and the best way to do this, in my opinion, is to allow yourself to feel everything that comes up no matter what or when or how.  I think there is a fine line between healing grief and wallowing in the sadness of loss and lingering there.  I think I'm guilty of both.  He died on April 8 of 2022.  A few days ago I heard a song titled Memories by Maroon 5 and it brought back a tsunami of memories of Mikio along with a heart felt longing to hold him and have him by my side. Such deep sadness I have felt, again.  I have created a photo album of hundreds of photos plus I have many videos of him that I can watch.  What I cannot do is hold him, touch him, take him on walks, be with him.  This is what I miss the most.  His presence.  Alas, he is gone forever, which will happen to each and every living thing on earth.  Dogs are such wonderful companions.  I now have a beautiful, loving 18 month old Golden Retriever that I got months before Mikio crossed the rainbow bridge so I wouldn't have to go without a dog companion.  I love him dearly, named him Bodhi, and adopted him as a 7 week old puppy.  About 2 years before his death, Mikio began showing signs of dementia, known as Canine Cognitive Dysfunction (CCD) which is quite similar to Alzheimer's in humans.  It progresses slowly, and there are many medications that help with the symptoms, but there is no cure.  It just marches on and over time they begin to forget, and forget more and more.  Along with this devastating deterioration of the brain, there is also the many problems that come with aging--partial loss of sight, of hearing, arthritis, vertigo, and more, different for each dog.  Typically one observes a loss of maneuverability, heightened fear and anxiety.  They often get stuck in corners and cannot figure out how to get out.  They forget which side of the door they need to come to in order to exit or enter the house.  They tend to pace for hours after the sun goes down, and will often pace until they are exhausted.  They forget how to ask to go outside to urinate or defecate, and will simply go wherever they are, unaware they are inside the house.  I took up all of our area rugs and sent them to Deep Eddy for cleaning, and then put them in storage.  I cleaned and mopped up accidents in the house for a year and developed a hard callus on my hand.  Because Mikio was such a loyal and dignified dog, I inexplicably never lost any patience with these exhausting tasks.  We all just coped as best as we could.  He continued sleeping on his pallet at the side of my bed except for those times when he could not find it and would drop down from exhaustive pacing most anywhere in the house where he wandered for hours most nights.  Back and forth, back and forth, endlessly.  I wore earplugs which allowed me to sleep.  If he got into trouble, he would whine loudly and I would hear him and get up and assist in any way I could.  It often seemed as though he was trying to walk through the walls of the house.  He was truly a beautiful dog and was showered with compliments everywhere we went.  He did reach the point in his life where quite often I would have to carry him outside and standing became very difficult.  In the final days of his life, he could not get up at all on his own, but once I stood him up, he could manage to stand albeit awkwardly.  It was so sad to watch the progression of this disease.  On his last day we gathered together outside on the grass.  It was a beautiful day.  The vet arrived and administered the meds needed to peacefully help him pass over.  An employee of the crematorium arrived and wrapped him in a beautiful purple blanket and I carried him to the back of the van. 

Memories

Song by Maroon 5

Here's to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

There's a time that I remember, when I did not know no pain
When I believed in forever, and everything would stay the same
Now my heart feel like December when somebody say your name
'Cause I can't reach out to call you, but I know I will one day, yeah

Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts someday, ayy ayy
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, ayy

Here's to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

There's a time that I remember when I never felt so lost
When I felt all of the hatred was too powerful to stop (ooh, yeah)
Now my heart feel like an ember and it's lighting up the dark
I'll carry these torches for ya that you know I'll never drop, yeah

Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts someday, ayy ayy
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, ayy

Here's to the ones that we got (oh)
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through (no, no)
Toast to the ones here today (ayy)
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories (ayy)
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo
Memories bring back, memories bring back you
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo (ooh, yeah)
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, doh, doh
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Adam Levine / Jacob Hindlin / Jonathan Bellion / Jordan Johnson / Michael Pollack / Stefan Johnson / Vincent Ford

Memories lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc