A therapist once told me that when we express our anger in an honest, calm, appropriate manner, we will find the experience empowering. No doubt anger is one of the most complex emotions we as humans deal with. Of course we learn more about ourselves when we scrutinize our anger, but expressing our anger as above stated also has the potential of being a significant learning experience for the person to whom we are expressing our anger (or not). Defining anger in itself can be a challenge, there are so many degrees of anger, from cold, passive, hostile to raging, maniacal, out of control. No doubt, suppression of anger will inevitably lead to an explosion, and that is not the best way to deal with this powerful emotion. I have a neighbor who is about as different from me as is imaginable. He's military retired, Vietnam veteran, Republican, right wing, conservative, hog hunter, foul-mouthed. I can live with that. I have kept my mouth shut when he comes on to our property (invited) carrying his pistol. I have said nothing when he makes racial slurs, or belittles groups of people. Instead, what I have done in my "neighborly relationship" with him is try to look past all the ignorance, the bigoted remarks, and yet remain true to myself in that I don't agree with him on things he says, I don't pretend to be anyone other than who I am, but clearly there are many topics that are never brought up in the course of our conversations (i.e. things of interest to me!). If I say something about yoga, he goes dead silent. Still, he definitely has a curiosity going on with me. He does try to bring up topics that many would find taboo. Sometimes I think he is aiming to shock, which doesn't happen with me. This man has some very good qualities. He mows up and down the street, both sides, and our street is one mile long. He has repaired our tractor mower, chainsaw, come to my aid and fixed my fence when someone crashed through it. He helps all the neighbors (who will allow it) with mowing, chipping, cutting down trees, creating fire barriers, and much more. I believe he would do just about anything he could to help me if I were in trouble. He's a real character, quite the bossy type, wants to be in control. In many ways I like him and try hard to be tolerant and accepting of his "type" which is not a whole lot different from my maternal grandfather.
I dreamt of seeing a mouse at the bottom of long, dark, tubular hole in the ground. His eyes were glowing. Tunnels or holes in the ground usually mean we are are hiding or repressing something, perhaps our assertiveness? A mouse can represent our, well, mousy qualities, hidden away, quiet, repressed, withdrawn. Bright glowing eyes may indicate seeing, awareness, even in darkness, the "I" within us has the ability to see--intelligence.
And so today my anger came gushing out when I received yet another in a string of political, anti-Obama cartoons and other such offensive emails. I wrote back to him and spelled out in no uncertain terms my political and religious views which are extremely liberal. Do I feel empowered? Not really, just a little nervous that maybe he will shoot me. Just kidding. I do feel unsettled inside. Uncomfortable that I put so much of myself out there. Perhaps I feel vulnerable. But I do see how I was really NOT being true to myself when in the moment I didn't speak my mind. After all, many of his statements are extraordinarily offensive. So I'm sitting here writing about it, thinking about it, and deep down inside I know I've done the right thing. Doing the right thing doesn't always make us feel good in the short term. It may make us uneasy when we feel forced to reveal our truer natures to someone who is so radically different from us. But we are all connected on some deeper level, right? In truth, the man really likes me, I can tell. If I were to go with the flow, we would be spending a great deal of time together, which is the last thing I want. It has been an interesting experience. Since I spoke out (albeit in a mousy way) in an email rather than in person, I haven't heard a word from him. I'm not surprised.
I've been thinking of obstacles, those things that daily get in our way, but how many of these obstacles are illusions? How many of these obstacles have we created? What obstacles do we experience that make us feel we need to hide or repress ourselves, our feelings and emotions? Fear of judgment, ridicule, shame, nonacceptance, and ultimately, fear of not being loved? Yes.
So I'm sitting in the opened door of a helicopter flying above a sloping, dry, somewhat barren landscape in which numerous fires line the ground below in the shapes of many disconnected arteries and veins. Suddenly the helicopter bumps into a giant (yes, like Jack in the Beanstalk), but the collision is of no significance, and we continue on our way, no problem.
When we examine our lives, there will be times when we are cynical, pessimistic, when life seems somewhat barren and dry. But inside, if our internal fires of transformation are burning, if we continue to study ourselves, to examine things, if the blood coursing through or veins is alive with the fire of illumination, of purification, if our life blood is on fire so to speak, then obstacles that may once have caused us to come crashing down to earth may only be momentary bumps in our journey, and soon we may again look at the landscape of our lives and see things very differently, and all this can change from moment to moment in our daily musings and interactions with others. Similarly, in another dream, a group of dinosaurs came bursting through the top of a glass building which was under construction, causing many workers to fall to their deaths, and when these huge beasts of a bygone era came running directly towards me, face to face, I dived into my car and they moved overhead causing no damage whatsoever. Old issues will always be with us in some form or another, but they need not have any effect on our daily lives if we face them head on. This is the way of healing.
I was talking to a friend this weekend, and learned of her collection of phobias. One of the most common phobia is a fear of flying, which in today's world can be quite an obstacle if one has the desire to travel to far away lands and interact with other societies and cultures, which can be profoundly enriching, or even visit friends or family a state or more away. When this particular fear controls our actions, from my perspective it is most definitely an obstacle. I was really touched by this woman, and her sharing with me, and others, so openly, of her fear of flying. I understand this fear intimately. My history is filled with phobias, a collection of them, that at times rendered me unable to function in a variety of settings. A fear of flying, a fear of heights, of high bridges and high buildings, of riding in elevators, of riding up an escalator, a fear of speaking in any public situation, including the classroom, a fear and deep shame of my body and letting anyone see me unclothed. As a child, I would not go out in public unless the top collar of my shirt was buttoned and my arms covered with long sleeves. Some of these fears are not so very controlling, while others are. One avoids all sorts of situations. My worst phobia, the one that most controlled my life and behavior for many years, was a fear of public restrooms. I would go into total panic mode if I had to use a public restroom. Sitting through a movie was outrageously difficult, and my fear of needing to use the restroom would be so strong and powerful that I often found I had no idea what was going on on-screen. At one point in my life I decided to essentially stop drinking liquids, as much as possible, and I got sick. That was not an answer, but more of a cry for help. The answer lies in going directly into the heart of the fear, the core of the fear, and dealing with it head on. This process may take many years and diving deep into these dark, hidden recesses. This is not so easily done alone, and I don't recommend that (going alone). The good news: these phobias can be overcome, and with this comes inexpressible liberation.
Fear and anger can be deeply intertwined. Unresolved, they can cause so much disturbance in our lives that we often feel so overwhelmed that we decide to end it all. That of course is not a solution. The solution lies in self-study, self-examination, digging, probing the depths, reaching out, seeking, reading, talking, finding those whom we can trust, finding people who can teach us and lead us, but they must be people who truly care about us and the work they are doing. We quickly learn how we are so much not alone in our fears, or in our despair, or in our debilitating phobias. The truth is, we can overcome. We can prevail and be victorious in our personal battles with our demons. Through self-love, self-acceptance, community, and sharing, we can find a great deal of emancipation.
I dreamt of seeing a mouse at the bottom of long, dark, tubular hole in the ground. His eyes were glowing. Tunnels or holes in the ground usually mean we are are hiding or repressing something, perhaps our assertiveness? A mouse can represent our, well, mousy qualities, hidden away, quiet, repressed, withdrawn. Bright glowing eyes may indicate seeing, awareness, even in darkness, the "I" within us has the ability to see--intelligence.
And so today my anger came gushing out when I received yet another in a string of political, anti-Obama cartoons and other such offensive emails. I wrote back to him and spelled out in no uncertain terms my political and religious views which are extremely liberal. Do I feel empowered? Not really, just a little nervous that maybe he will shoot me. Just kidding. I do feel unsettled inside. Uncomfortable that I put so much of myself out there. Perhaps I feel vulnerable. But I do see how I was really NOT being true to myself when in the moment I didn't speak my mind. After all, many of his statements are extraordinarily offensive. So I'm sitting here writing about it, thinking about it, and deep down inside I know I've done the right thing. Doing the right thing doesn't always make us feel good in the short term. It may make us uneasy when we feel forced to reveal our truer natures to someone who is so radically different from us. But we are all connected on some deeper level, right? In truth, the man really likes me, I can tell. If I were to go with the flow, we would be spending a great deal of time together, which is the last thing I want. It has been an interesting experience. Since I spoke out (albeit in a mousy way) in an email rather than in person, I haven't heard a word from him. I'm not surprised.
I've been thinking of obstacles, those things that daily get in our way, but how many of these obstacles are illusions? How many of these obstacles have we created? What obstacles do we experience that make us feel we need to hide or repress ourselves, our feelings and emotions? Fear of judgment, ridicule, shame, nonacceptance, and ultimately, fear of not being loved? Yes.
So I'm sitting in the opened door of a helicopter flying above a sloping, dry, somewhat barren landscape in which numerous fires line the ground below in the shapes of many disconnected arteries and veins. Suddenly the helicopter bumps into a giant (yes, like Jack in the Beanstalk), but the collision is of no significance, and we continue on our way, no problem.
When we examine our lives, there will be times when we are cynical, pessimistic, when life seems somewhat barren and dry. But inside, if our internal fires of transformation are burning, if we continue to study ourselves, to examine things, if the blood coursing through or veins is alive with the fire of illumination, of purification, if our life blood is on fire so to speak, then obstacles that may once have caused us to come crashing down to earth may only be momentary bumps in our journey, and soon we may again look at the landscape of our lives and see things very differently, and all this can change from moment to moment in our daily musings and interactions with others. Similarly, in another dream, a group of dinosaurs came bursting through the top of a glass building which was under construction, causing many workers to fall to their deaths, and when these huge beasts of a bygone era came running directly towards me, face to face, I dived into my car and they moved overhead causing no damage whatsoever. Old issues will always be with us in some form or another, but they need not have any effect on our daily lives if we face them head on. This is the way of healing.
I was talking to a friend this weekend, and learned of her collection of phobias. One of the most common phobia is a fear of flying, which in today's world can be quite an obstacle if one has the desire to travel to far away lands and interact with other societies and cultures, which can be profoundly enriching, or even visit friends or family a state or more away. When this particular fear controls our actions, from my perspective it is most definitely an obstacle. I was really touched by this woman, and her sharing with me, and others, so openly, of her fear of flying. I understand this fear intimately. My history is filled with phobias, a collection of them, that at times rendered me unable to function in a variety of settings. A fear of flying, a fear of heights, of high bridges and high buildings, of riding in elevators, of riding up an escalator, a fear of speaking in any public situation, including the classroom, a fear and deep shame of my body and letting anyone see me unclothed. As a child, I would not go out in public unless the top collar of my shirt was buttoned and my arms covered with long sleeves. Some of these fears are not so very controlling, while others are. One avoids all sorts of situations. My worst phobia, the one that most controlled my life and behavior for many years, was a fear of public restrooms. I would go into total panic mode if I had to use a public restroom. Sitting through a movie was outrageously difficult, and my fear of needing to use the restroom would be so strong and powerful that I often found I had no idea what was going on on-screen. At one point in my life I decided to essentially stop drinking liquids, as much as possible, and I got sick. That was not an answer, but more of a cry for help. The answer lies in going directly into the heart of the fear, the core of the fear, and dealing with it head on. This process may take many years and diving deep into these dark, hidden recesses. This is not so easily done alone, and I don't recommend that (going alone). The good news: these phobias can be overcome, and with this comes inexpressible liberation.
Fear and anger can be deeply intertwined. Unresolved, they can cause so much disturbance in our lives that we often feel so overwhelmed that we decide to end it all. That of course is not a solution. The solution lies in self-study, self-examination, digging, probing the depths, reaching out, seeking, reading, talking, finding those whom we can trust, finding people who can teach us and lead us, but they must be people who truly care about us and the work they are doing. We quickly learn how we are so much not alone in our fears, or in our despair, or in our debilitating phobias. The truth is, we can overcome. We can prevail and be victorious in our personal battles with our demons. Through self-love, self-acceptance, community, and sharing, we can find a great deal of emancipation.
