This is my third blog attempt this morning. My mind isn't wildly out of control (I don't think), but it seems to be searching for just the right words, for the opening through which my thoughts can flow unimpeded. Have you (comments welcome) ever had a positive, meaningful, connected interaction with someone whereby when it was over and you were moving away you felt part of that person was still with you? Furthermore, the part of that person still with you took on the form of an animal? Something like the residual energy of that person was still contained in your energy field but in a mythical, symbolic way. Is this just utterly ridiculous? Is it simple projection? Is the mind/spirit on a deeper level connecting with something primordial? In a certain way it's like wakeful dreaming, and our thoughts take on *unfamiliar* forms that are not immediately accessible and clear.
Example: I dreamt the other night that I was in the company of a very angry woman. I think my mind was expressing a need to release something that I was refusing to acknowledge on a conscious level, something that I was suppressing, to do with anger, with anger towards the feminine aspects (of myself), or the life and people around me. Aha, now that makes sense. Because truly in real life I was pissed off at someone but I absolutely could find no way to constructively express or release that anger. In fact the anger was misplaced, and actually expressing the anger towards that person would have been totally inappropriate because that anger had nothing to do with that person, but everything to do with me. So the anger came out in my dream, through my subconscious mind, and found expression and release that way. When we don't act out, when we sit with stuff, it can be amazing how certain issues find resolution on their own, without our own conscious intervention and meddling. Besides, hell has no wrath like a Goddess scorned. Never underestimate the power of the Goddess.
After practice the other day I had lunch with a group of guys, five of us in all. It was quite an enjoyable get together, and the conversation flowed freely, moving from one topic to another in a somewhat stream of consciousness sort of way. In retrospect, I realize that I didn't have a clue what was being said half the time. Really, it was gibberish to me. So I just honed in on that which I could understand, listened and responded. Nothing unusual in any of this. But when you do find someone you feel deeply connected to, it's downright rich, and often transcends words and simply being in the presence of that person leaves one feeling sated.
Deer. Such majestic creatures whose bodies move seemingly without effort, gracefully defying the laws of gravity. Powerful yet vulnerable, feminine yet virile, swift with fleetness of foot yet unable to discern their primary enemy in the urban jungle (the SUV, the automobile). "The deer depicts meditation, meekness, and gentleness but also signifies love-sickness, solitariness and melancholy, when associated with the maple (in the Chinese tradition). In the Celtic tradition they are messengers of the divine, supernatural animals of the fairy world, fairy cattle. Deerskin and antlers are ritual vestments."
Personally, I have lived in the company of deer for the past 30 years, feeding them, observing their social hierarchy, matriarchal led herds of does and only young bucks who are kicked out as they approach young adulthood. It is sad to see the young buck literally being kicked and hoofed by his mother, aunts and sisters. He must leave and live alone, at times running with other males. I struggled mightily with the decision to ban them from our property a few years back, but decided that since they were eating our garden and all our deer-proof plants, especially in times of drought, it was the only thing to do, hence the 7 1/2 foot fence. Now when I gaze out I see the landscape devoid of deer, and find something lamentable about that, and so I lament as I inhale and exhale the reality of injustice.
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I just read in a newsletter put out by Spirit Journeys, the following, which I thought apropos:
"There is much fear swirling all around us these days. Let your Inner Warrior stand fast in the knowledge that fear is an untruth spoken by those hiding in the Shadows or living in the Dark; only Love is real and stands openly in the Light."
Still, it's a great time to be alive.
