I had a dream that left an imprint I cannot readily get out of my mind. Another imprint I can't seem to get away from (a good thing) is something Anne said to me, albeit indirectly: "I find it interesting when I observe people being dismissive of their gifts." The reason this resonates so loudly with me is because of the truth in it, because I am dismissive of my gifts on many levels. That's a pretty profound realization. In fact, it stops me dead and breathless in my tracks. This is something to ponder long and hard. In the dream one of my cats, Misty, jumped into a quiet, still lake and swam to shore. In the dream I was both disturbed and fascinated as I watched her struggling to reach the shore, which she did, none the worse for wear. For some reason I felt inclined to do the same, so I dived deep into the dark stillness of the water and discovered I had gone so deep that I couldn't reach the surface in time to catch a breath of oxygen, and I gasped for breath deeply while underwater and came to wakefulness.
Misty sleeps with me most nights. She showed up one day a couple of years ago and I started feeding her. She was meaner than hell. In spite of feeding her and attempting to pet her, she scratched me viciously on several occasions, sometimes unprovoked when I would simply walk past her. These bloody scratches fascinated me and scared me. Clearly she had been abused by someone. She was not wild. In fact when I took her to the vet to get fixed, that had already been done. Since then she has undergone a profound transformation because I have loved her, been gentle with her, never chastising her for her viciousness to me or the other cats. I can tell that she simply cannot help herself. The look in her eyes is one of terror when she strikes out. She clearly expects retaliation, but doesn't receive it. She never does that anymore. She purrs contentedly and craves affection. She is gentle and loving and gets along well now with the other cats. She is still fiercely independent, she is still Misty, but the transformation has been miraculous.
In the dream, before diving into the water, I saw a school of eels swimming many feet below the surface. They are slippery creatures, phallic, powerful, elusive.
Spiritual, baptismal purification, diving deep into still waters is but one metaphor one encounters on the path to self-discovery. We dive deep. We have both feminine (cat) and masculine (eel) energies at work, both at the surface and at deeper levels, skin to bone, outer to inner, sometimes harmoniously, sometimes not. Taking the plunge and striving to reach the shore of Self. There is an expansive emptiness that can be found right behind the heart. Some consider this the seat of the soul, or true intelligence. In pranayama practice Patricia encouraged us to go there, to breathe deeply into that empty space behind the heart where our deeper, truer selves reside. Going through the sheaths, diving deep, breathing deeply and slowly, stopping the thoughts, discovering that there is so much more to who we are, more than our thinking mind. Our breath can take us there, but it cannot be rushed. It is all slow. It is most sacred. When we dismiss our gifts, our discoveries, our evolution, we are slapping ourselves with a denial of truth. There is balance in all things. There are moments of intense realization. There can be gasping but that is part of the journey. I bow to all the women and men in my life who have been such Teachers to me. I bow to that in me that gives nurturing love to others, unconditionally, whether it be a person, myself, or a stray cat that I adopt and love with all my heart. It doesn't matter why I can do padmasana, it is an easy pose for me, just as importantly, it doesn't matter than I cannot do Hanumanasna. But I will keep trying and I will keep diving into the emptiness in search of meaning, and I will keep trying, I pray, to reach the shore, to never stop diving, swimming and moving into those unknown places of such rich, fertile energy and discovery.
Misty sleeps with me most nights. She showed up one day a couple of years ago and I started feeding her. She was meaner than hell. In spite of feeding her and attempting to pet her, she scratched me viciously on several occasions, sometimes unprovoked when I would simply walk past her. These bloody scratches fascinated me and scared me. Clearly she had been abused by someone. She was not wild. In fact when I took her to the vet to get fixed, that had already been done. Since then she has undergone a profound transformation because I have loved her, been gentle with her, never chastising her for her viciousness to me or the other cats. I can tell that she simply cannot help herself. The look in her eyes is one of terror when she strikes out. She clearly expects retaliation, but doesn't receive it. She never does that anymore. She purrs contentedly and craves affection. She is gentle and loving and gets along well now with the other cats. She is still fiercely independent, she is still Misty, but the transformation has been miraculous.
In the dream, before diving into the water, I saw a school of eels swimming many feet below the surface. They are slippery creatures, phallic, powerful, elusive.
Spiritual, baptismal purification, diving deep into still waters is but one metaphor one encounters on the path to self-discovery. We dive deep. We have both feminine (cat) and masculine (eel) energies at work, both at the surface and at deeper levels, skin to bone, outer to inner, sometimes harmoniously, sometimes not. Taking the plunge and striving to reach the shore of Self. There is an expansive emptiness that can be found right behind the heart. Some consider this the seat of the soul, or true intelligence. In pranayama practice Patricia encouraged us to go there, to breathe deeply into that empty space behind the heart where our deeper, truer selves reside. Going through the sheaths, diving deep, breathing deeply and slowly, stopping the thoughts, discovering that there is so much more to who we are, more than our thinking mind. Our breath can take us there, but it cannot be rushed. It is all slow. It is most sacred. When we dismiss our gifts, our discoveries, our evolution, we are slapping ourselves with a denial of truth. There is balance in all things. There are moments of intense realization. There can be gasping but that is part of the journey. I bow to all the women and men in my life who have been such Teachers to me. I bow to that in me that gives nurturing love to others, unconditionally, whether it be a person, myself, or a stray cat that I adopt and love with all my heart. It doesn't matter why I can do padmasana, it is an easy pose for me, just as importantly, it doesn't matter than I cannot do Hanumanasna. But I will keep trying and I will keep diving into the emptiness in search of meaning, and I will keep trying, I pray, to reach the shore, to never stop diving, swimming and moving into those unknown places of such rich, fertile energy and discovery.
